You May Be Right. I May Be Crazy.

When I was in high school, I idolized the kind of NY, Italian, street gang-guy I saw in celebs like Billy Joel and Stallone. I really wanted to be in a street gang, which, if you know me, you know how completely asinine even the thought of that is. But I didn’t want to be in a real street gang, I wanted to be in more of a movie street gang.

read more

Dork, Meet Woman

I don't know how to talk to women. Seriously, I'm 51 years old and still have no clue. Yesterday I was downtown, wearing a nice kilt (Royal Stewart tartan) and I was walking my new puppy. I was on the sidewalk and I noticed an attractive woman passing behind me. She...

read more

Bloody Hell! (A true story)

Yesterday when I came home from the studio I noticed drops of blood on my front porch. I immediately joked "Oh, look! A killer came to visit!" Then I thought of my pets inside the house. What if the house was broken into and my cats and dog were harmed? I opened the...

read more

Why I Cannot Wear A Dress

Late August of 1972 my entire family was brutally tortured, then slaughtered by a teal and beige casual sport dress. It was a thigh-length, sleeveless with round neckline and princess seams on the front and reverse. Authorities said the dress buttoned all the way down...

read more

I Love You, You Freak.

There is a scene in the movie Untamed Heart where Christian Slater’s character “Adam” tells Marisa Tomei’s “Caroline” that, for some time now, he has been sneaking into her bedroom and watching her sleep. Contemplate for a second the wild-haired, socially-retarded...

read more