How disappointing it is to arrive at 56 years of life
     and not know what I am doing.
Where I am going.
What it’s all about.

I thought I would know useful things by now.
I thought I would be an expert at something.
I thought I would be enlightened or at least
     receive a handbook
     or rule book
     or guide book.

Some kind of book.

I thought I would be better.
I thought I would have major accomplishments that
     people would write about
     or discuss on talk shows.
I thought I would have achievements that
     changed lives or
     made the world a better place.

I thought I’d be richer.

Where are the young people asking me for advice
     and the business people asking me
     to speak at their luncheons?
Why are there no invitations to address the graduates
     at their commencement?

56 years is no different from 16 years
     when I wandered blindly through existence
          waiting for a future moment I would know
               my way around and be a more complete human.

Shit.

                                        —Rick Baldwin ©2018

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